keywithnolock:

This was the first time Dawn had gotten into her car in weeks, quite literally. She wouldn’t be surprised if the gas in the tank had frozen or something, if that was even possible. It was a cold night, and Dawn had bundled herself up pretty good, coat, hat, scarf, gloves, the whole enchilada. Sliding into the car, she started it up and turned on the heat right away. Thank god for parking garages. Dawn didn’t have the patience to clear her car off tonight, and Buffy was lucky Dawn loved her enough to even drag herself out of her dorm and do the one thing she’d been avoiding for weeks. Drive. She let the car warm up for a few minutes, rubbing her gloved hands together to warm them up. When she was sufficiently toasty, she backed out and exited the parking garage, making her way to the one place in the world she’d rather not be.

She was happy Buffy was feeling better though. She had to admit that as much as she was absolutely dreading the thought of even being in remotely close proximity to Willow or Faith, she was excited to see her sister again. She remembered being sort of upset she was staying with them, because it guaranteed Dawn wasn’t coming to see Buffy. But it was her decision. She knew half of the people in their circle of “friends” thought Dawn was being silly, holding her grudge. It wasn’t really Faith. But it was. It was to Dawn’s subconscious, and that’s what mattered most in this situation. Even if somehow, someday down the line, Dawn could bring herself to forgive what had happened, she’d never, ever forget. She’d still see Faith and her first thought would be pain. Her first instinct would be to reach into her pocket for a crystal to ward her away. Her first reaction would be fear and heartache. She couldn’t put herself through that right now, not when she was so broken. So for now she’d be silly. She’d be silly until she could glue her pieces back together.

Turning onto the street, Dawn felt her stomach do backflips and tie itself into knots. This was like cruel and unusual punishment, but she’d go through what she had to to see her sister. With a deep breath, she gripped the wheel and turned into the driveway when it came, her heart swelling when she saw her older sister sitting on the steps of the porch. She saw her wince while standing up and prompted herself to get out of the car even faster to help her. Car in park, seatbelt off, door open. She left the car running to keep it warm. She saw the stupid grin on Buffy’s face and without thinking felt her face match it. 

Only a few strides and they met in the middle of the sidewalk, hugging each other like their lives depended on it. Who was she kidding, they did. Because as much as they fought, as much as they bickered and quipped, they were nothing without each other. Summers sisters stuck together, they were strong. If they were so strong, why was Dawn crying? She pulled away from Buffy, holding her at arms length. “I’m glad you feel better,” she said, tears still mixing with the cold and stinging her eyes. “I missed you, Buffy.” She sniffled. “Right, let me help you with your stuff.”

She took a few steps past her sister, picking up her bags. It was right there, the front door. She brought her eyes up to meet it, staring at the piece of wood that separated her from…from them. From everything she feared and detested. Blinking a few times, she snapped herself out of it, licking her lips and swallowing hard, regaining her composure. She popped the trunk open and slipped Buffy’s bags inside, shutting it with a slam. She wondered if somewhere in the house, Faith and Willow were watching them. Dawn didn’t even bother glancing up to check. She hoped that if they were watching, they could see how the hatred spilled off of her. See how much they’d ruined her.

Hurrying over to the passenger side door, Dawn pulled the door open for her sister, letting her use her arm to steady herself as she slipped inside. She clicked the door shut and against her better judgement, flicked a sideways glance at the house. Nobody there. Huh. She positioned herself in the drivers seat and was more than happy to get the hell out of there. “You wanna head right back, or are you hungry or anything? I can stop somewhere.”

Having her younger sister wrapped in the safety of her arms again made Buffy’s heart soar.  Maybe they didn’t always get along, but this was where they belonged- together.  "I missed you too,“ she felt tears of her own forming in her eyes when she saw that Dawn was crying.  "So much.”  They were happy tears, Dawn was the one person she’d needed to see right now and she hadn’t really even known it.  Her sister was one of the only things left in this world that truly felt like home.  They shared the same blood, they survived the loss of their mother together, and they’d both lost each other for what felt like forever.  But somehow the world’d brought them back together yet again.  And now Dawn needed her, nothing would stop her from being there.

She stirred into action when Dawn did, assisting in putting all of her stuff into the car.  She slid into the car, still a little to weak to do it without bracing herself on the door.  She buckled her seat belt and adjusted her hair and clothes in the tiny reflection of her sun visor mirror, not like there was even a sun to block.  She flipped up the mirror just as Dawn joined her in the car, taking her place in the driver seat and starting the vehicle.  With a slight sniffle, she answered.  "I’m only hungry if you are.“ Her face was a little wet and she wiped the few tears that hung on her cheeks away.

"Is there food at the apartment?” she asked, glancing over to Dawn who had her eyes on the road.  Always the best driver, or at least always a better driver than she was.  Dawn had surpassed her in a lot of ways, but instead of being jealous, Buffy’d always just been proud.  She tried not to let the thought that was itching to cross her mind come to pass, but it did anyways.  She felt a twinge of pain as she thought about the fact that Dawn was in a very similar position to one she’d been in just a few years back.  Was it two or three years?  Time seemed to blur for Buffy these days.  How long had she lived in Cleveland now?  How many months had it been since this catastrophe began?  How many actual months had it been since her sister’d had her heart ripped straight out of her chest?

She shook her thoughts off.  She wanted to know if Dawn was as depressed as she’d been after coming back from the dead, she’d only just realized that that’s what’d been wrong with her, but she was afraid to ask.  She was afraid of the answer, afraid it was yes.  "I just want to get home really. But if you’re really starved and there’s nothing at home, we can go to a drive through?“  She wanted whatever they did to be okay with Dawn, she felt wrong about bossing Dawn around.  Sure she’d broken her back, but what Dawn was going through was probably ten times worse than that.  She remembered the sharp sting of mental agony, it wasn’t escapable like physical pain was.  When Buffy was hurting she’d let her thoughts drown out the pain.  But what could she suggest to her sister when her thoughts were what was causing the hurt?

Bags packed.  Text message sent.  Willow hugged.  Everything was in order.  Buffy was officially on her way home.  She sat on the porch waiting for the familiar crunch of car  tires on gravel and the headlight beam to scan across the side of Willow and Faith’s place.  It was cold out, but Buffy was bundled up all cozy warm in a fuzzy jacket she’d gotten as a Christmas present.  Her other presents had been consolidated into a single gift bag that sat on next to her on the porch steps. The strangest of which had been a book.  No one had ever given her a book.  It was…  Well she wasn’t really sure how it made her feel, but she’d figure it out when she got home.  And boy was she ever ready to get home, to be a functioning part of the world again.

She’d finally been able to make it both up and down the stair all by herself with minimal pain, there was medicine for what soreness was left.  Her situation was manageable.  Her emotions were this weird sort of mix of feeling triumphant at being independent yet again and feeling ashamed that she was happy to be able to do something any normal person could do.  She certainly couldn’t go on regular patrols again, but she could fight if she needed to.  And then there were the other feelings and thoughts that ran through her head, clashing and clattering with the others there.  

Her head was filling up fast with the hectic-ness that was life.  She was excited to see Dawn and Spike, like maybe too excited.  She’d only admit to the excitement about her younger sister, saying she wanted to see Spike meant something else.  Something she didn’t know if she was ready to accept just yet.  The most she’d cop to was that she wanted to thank Spike for looking after Dawn while she was out of commission.  Buffy smiled at the resolution for a reason unknown to her.  She might’ve made some sort of joke to Willow about it if she’d been out there, but both of them thought it’d be best if Dawn didn’t have to see Willow or Faith when she arrived.  Dawn’d be there any minute and it just seemed even more awkward if Willow or Faith were spotted scurrying into the house as the car approached.  That whole situation was still a big knotted mess.  But she’d figure it out, Dawn would come out of this okay.  Maybe she needed therapy or something?  Buffy made a mental note to ask Spike what he thought about it later.

Buffy’s own plan to get Dawn on the right track would hopefully be set into motion tonight.  She was going to ask Dawn to move back to the complex with her, keep her close.  Maybe she’d give her the apartment next door, that way she still had her own space.  She wanted to nurture, not smother.  Her original plan had been to ask at Christmas before Dawn went back to classes, appeal to her sense of reason by noting how economic it’d be, but that sort of failed before it got a chance to get off the ground.  All hope was not lost, though, it just might be a little more difficult if Dawn had already settled into her dorm.

Buffy sat on the porch, humming a tune to herself.  No song in particular, just a mixture of a few 90s pop songs she’d seen on some countdown show.  She peered down the street in each direction, looking for Dawn’s familiar car.  After what felt like fifty forevers worth of boring, the car came into view.  She wouldn’t call it a sight for sore eyes, since she hadn’t had a terrible time or anything like that staying with Willow, but it was just nice to see.  She felt her heart sort of swell up, unsure of whether or not she’d be able to control the urge to tackle her kid sister the very second she got pulled into the driveway and stepped out of the car.  She stood, using her arms to push her weight up.  A little painful, but worth it.  A wide grin was plastered stupidly onto her face as she waited to greet her Dawnie with what she was now certain would be the bear hug of a lifetime.