watcherjunior:

Yes, none of them was dead. Something good out of this. But what was the price the pay? Did they want to pay the price? Because she was okay with being dead. Really okay. There was no space for any memories of it between the memories of her death and the ones of reliving Glory’s days but there was this little space in her head where she some calmness remained. Something that wasn’t dying. Something that wasn’t having a crazy someone trying to kill you. 

Dawn walked inside after Buffy, making a point to linger near the door for a little longer than she had to as she closed it. Just some space. Just some distance or air. She saw Buffy sit on the couch but she wasn’t sure if she wanted to do that. She wasn’t sure about anything anymore. What’s left to be sure of when you can’t even be sure that you’re dead? 

She walked to the couch, stopping in front of Buffy for a little until her sister started talking. Dream. Check. Her head nodded despite herself and her eyes avoided Buffy with some tentative pacing in front of the couch. To help her think and make sense of it all. A real dream. Magic. There was that damned word. Why did they think that a world without magic would be so wrong? She didn’t want the magic this was bringing.

Time Travel. No, not shocking. She remembered Andrew saying that it was that. That he was from the future. That Willow was trying to kill Buffy. Dawn raised her eyes to her sister. Willow had been trying to kill her. She really had. It was something… Probably the prophecy. Alice had said something like that, hadn’t she? About how the… lion raising… no, waking! It was Buffy being brought back by Willow. The realization of what was the actual plan hit her suddenly. The plan had always been to not bring Buffy back. To just leave her to never wake up and prevent the prophecy… There was more to the prophecy. Dawn’s death… Why was the plan just that? Wouldn’t the First kill them all if Buffy had never been brought back? Didn’t anyone have a brain to use? It was the past, not… Not some wacky Tim Burton movie where logic has no place!

Oh, Buffy was just happy the world was saved and so was Dawn… Why couldn’t Dawn herself just be happy like that? She tried a smile at the peppiness directed at her. The happy feeling that Dawn didn’t felt. But it was a short smile. Just the mere acknowledgement that she was, indeed, alive. “So are you.” Because that was the only thing coming out of her. Out of the million confusing thoughts that were going through her mind, the fact that Buffy was also alive was the only thing she could verbalize.

She had stopped pacing when she looked at Buffy and suddenly the stillness was hitting her. Like some sort of taboo she was breaking. She moved again, quickly sitting beside her sister on the couch to rise up after some moments. Didn’t felt right. Nothing about being alive felt right. Was it bad that part of her wished that she was dead again?

Dawn’s response didn’t really shock Buffy, but it felt like a knife in the gut.  She wasn’t nearly as happy as she should be to be alive.  Buffy hadn’t been happy either and she couldn’t help but wonder if Dawn was brought back from Heaven.  Was that even possible?  As far as Buffy knew, the time travel thing had prevented Dawn from ever dying.  That’s how Cameron’d made it seem, though she wasn’t sure how they’d caused this to happen or even who had caused it.  Willow was the one who was up on all the little details of a situation, and if anyone knew anything it would be her.

“Yup, I’m alive.” She said to her sister as she passed on to her next thought.  “I wonder if Willow knows anything about all of this…”  She looked at her sister who had up to that point been pacing around the room like she was performing some sort of thoughtful waltz.  But she’d stopped moving all together with her words and suddenly Buffy realized what her sister had just said. Of course I’m alive, why wouldn’t I be alive? None of it really made sense to Buffy.  And she suddenly wanted to know what exactly Dawn was talking about.  She stood up to meet Dawn’s gaze better, she wanted the truth.  “Dawn, is there something about this you know?  Where have you been?  Why would I be dead?”  The questions came pouring out of her mouth.

Buffy looked at the Dawn, her mouth smashed shut in a harsh and expectant line.  Where had her sister come from?  Suddenly Buffy’s façade of knowing began to crumble.  She didn’t know half as much about this as she thought.  If it had been like her sister had never died she wouldn’t have come from out of nowhere, she would have been in her room.  It was important that she got the truth; if someone was trying to kill her (apart from the usual suspects), she needed to know about it.  Maybe that was why Dawn was so unhappy; she knew some secret information about Buffy.  Something only a person that had been brought back from the dead could have known.  But that didn’t make sense either; Buffy never knew anything more or less when she returned from the dead.  All she’d known was a dark, warm, peaceful feeling akin to sleeping in the sunlight.  She didn’t even know who she was, much less information about those she’d left behind on the earth.  But maybe Dawn hadn’t been in heaven!

With each second that she waited for Dawns response more and more questions filled her mind.  Some of the questions were horrific, these thoughts shouldn’t occur to any sane person. And yet…  Her thoughts began to chatter the way they did when she could read everyone’s mind and she wanted everything to stop. Dawn needed to answer, and soon.  She needed answers, if only to distract her from all that was going on in her own mind.

watcherjunior:

Oh, of course Buffy was happy to see her. So everything had been real? At least the part where Faith had killed her, it was the only explanation. She couldn’t stop her body from flinching and tensing as Buffy hugged her. It felt too close. Too constraining. Almost as if she couldn’t breathe. But she couldn’t ask Buffy to get away. Her sister had thought Dawn was dead. This behavior wasn’t surprising. It brought back memories. Memories from when Buffy had been the one back from the dead because Willow had decided to mess with the forces of nature… Willow.

The new set of memories of what she liked to call ‘the worst months in my life’ were still working through the details. Willow had been weird. Andrew had tried to warn her.. Was this some new form of Wiccan spell? Some new super powerful thing that Willow couldn’t control? It hadn’t been that long ago since she had gone dark. Was she really out of her mind and doing things in that scale just so what? So her girlfriend wouldn’t have to live with that weight in her conscious? Because it wouldn’t work. Dawn would make sure not to let Faith forget what had happened. But Willow had an history of going overboard for people she was in a relationship with. If this was just something like that again… No. Dawn had been through enough with Willow’s use of magic! This was enough!

Buffy didn’t let go. Why didn’t she let go? There wasn’t that hole in her chest but it was as if her body wasn’t used to being back. Not used to feeling. Not used to touching. She swallowed before talking. She wasn’t sure what to say. Her sister was just so happy and unconcerned about the consequences… “I know you won’t.” But that wasn’t Buffy’s call anymore, was it? No. It had been in a long time since Buffy had been the one to make that call. There was just too much out of Buffy’s reach by now. 

Finally Dawn made herself take a step back. Getting carefully out of Buffy’s embrace so that her sister wouldn’t resent her, because that was the last thing she needed right now. “Buffy…” she said softly “I’m serious. Is this really supposed to…? Last I remember you were dead or I was dead… What happened?” Because she needed to know exactly what had went on. She was tired and confused and everything around her felt weird but she needed to understand what had went on so that she’d know what the right response to being back was. If she should be happy to be back or if she should wish she was back to being dead.

As her sister broke tactfully from the slayer sized hug Buffy’d imposed upon her, it suddenly occurred to her that she could say she would protect her sister all she wanted but the truth was that she couldn’t.  Not anymore.  The fact that Dawn had died in the first place was proof of this fact, and obviously Buffy wasn’t responsible for the current restoration of Dawn’s life.  Maybe that explained why she’d tried so hard to hold onto the very tired looking girl’s body, if she was in her arms there was no way anybody else could get to her… 

The look in her eyes and the softness of her voice told Buffy that something wasn’t right with Dawn.  No there was a sort of confused sadness that clouded the girl.  Suddenly a thought came to her mind, but she pushed it away.No, she couldn’t have been there… It’s not like that this time. Buffy wouldn’t let that type of thinking get to her.  This was a happy time, her sister was alive.  She hadn’t ever died.  Buffy didn’t know who did this, but she needed to be happy about it.

“What happened?" 

Buffy didn’t know how to begin to answer Dawn’s question.  According to Cameron, everything they’d experienced in that dreamy world had been real.  Buffy had so many questions herself.  She tried to form an answer for her sister who looked at her as if to say her whole demeanor depended upon Buffy’s answer to that one question. What had happened? Buffy wasn’t certain but she pulled the corners of her mouth up into a smile and hoped it reached her eyes. "Well, neither of us are dead. Are we?” she forced a laugh and moved out of the doorway so that Dawn could come inside.  She couldn’t look her little sister in the eyes, she didn’t want her to read the uncertainty behind them so she turned away casually walking to the couch.  She settled herself down on the soft cushions and continued on, Dawn would need more explanation that was certain.

“I don’t know if you had this too, but that dreamy feeling? Not a dream.  It was all real.  There was some sort of magical time travel, which isn’t really all that shocking…” She was at a loss for words but she forced herself to say more. She couldn’t let it seem like things weren’t okay. “Anyways, I haven’t heard from anyone but Cameron yet.  But whatever happened, we’ll find out, the world is saved now,” Buffy was floundering. “And you’re alive!” Buffy said with hopefully convincing peppiness.