watcherjunior:

So the last few weeks had been a little less than great. Or maybe that was an understatement. The last weeks had pretty much been some of the worst weeks ever. From finding out she wasn’t really a human being, to everything being okay just for a short while, to her mom suddenly dying. Trying to get her back. Oh, it had been a great idea that one. Yes, let’s just do some seriously suspicious spell to bring back the dead. Spike had helped. The Doc had said there was a good chance but there wasn’t. That wasn’t how it worked. It was what Tara had said about messing up with the forces of nature. You shouldn’t. Her mother had died and moved on and Dawn just had to live with it. Just casually keep on living. Just keep on pretending that it was worth it. 

So yeah, maybe she hadn’t been going that much to school. That wasn’t any reason for having to call her sister, was it? It wasn’t that serious. Just some skipping class because she didn’t felt like going. Because everyone was giving her weird looks. Even weirder than when that bee-otch Kirstie decided to actually tell everyone about her cutting herself! You try finding out you’re not real! Come on, she got some free passes, right? Just like this whole skipping school thing. Her mother died, was their biggest concern really calling her sister in because she was skipping classes? Not that her sister would care anyway. And no, her calls of how she had asked about school was not really caring and she stuck by her word, school was fine, even when she wasn’t in it.

Among all of this, she felt the weight of the little coin she’d taken from the Magic Box in her pocket. Weighting a little more than it was supposed to. She didn’t mean to. It was just there, so close to her, no one was looking and she just wondered if could she do it. It had been easy to get the books for the spell for her mom so maybe… Maybe she could she just take it and no one would notice? Even with the books, it wasn’t the first time. There was that little box in her room filled with all sort of little trinkets that she took and that didn’t want to look at. It wasn’t that she meant to steal them! It just happened and no one noticed and then the thought of taking the chance again and having someone notice it… So they were all just kept in the little box. Away from everyone’s sight. Where the little coin would eventually join in. Because no one noticed that those things were missing.

The homework in front of her was still half done as she looked up at her sister across the table. Still not the brightest of moods, as if everything was Dawn’s fault. What the hell was wrong with Buffy anyway? It wasn’t such a big deal! It wasn’t like she’d even gone to school all the years before this. Maybe they could get those all-mighty monks to actually do a good deed and dump in her the rest of the school information she’d ever need to know. Now, there were some fake memories she wouldn’t mind having! And then everyone would be happy with everything, wouldn’t they? “It’s really not such a big deal.” she mumbled under her breath “Not like any of this actually matters.” Nothing really seemed to matter anymore, did it? 

All Buffy could hear was the conversation she’d had that day at Dawn’s school.  All orderly like they’d called her into the office to have a talk with her.  Like a child, incapable of taking care of her own sister despite the fact she’d saved the world many times over (but how could they know that?) The principal was there and the woman, she’d been informed, who was the social worker for Dawn’s case.  Because now that their mother had died, Dawn had a case.  Suddenly the state or whoever cared all about little Dawnie, which was great, except for the fact that she already had a whole slew of people who cared about her; people who loved her.  Buffy knew how useful cops, detectives, and lawyer types really were.  They tried to help, they had good intentions, but the cold hard truth was that they had no idea what was actually going on around them.  They lived in a world where science could answer every question, where things that went bump in the night were just their mind’s playing tricks on them. And Buffy couldn’t help but wish that they’d just take their imposing little noses out of her business.

“Ms. Summers, we understand how hard coping with a death in the family can be, especially in your situation. And there’s nothing wrong with being overwhelmed…” The words echoed through her mind, bouncing off the walls and bumping into one another.  And they hurt. The rest of the conversation always ended up blurry, but she was always certain of the conclusion. If she couldn’t get Dawn to get her act together, the state would try their hand at making it happen.  She’d tried being the tough guy, having a stern hand with Dawn, but none of it worked.  She only seemed to react worse to that.  And now she’d have to be a little more forward with Dawn.  He sister always complained about people hiding things from her, and now it looked like she’d finally get a little bit of that honesty she so desperately craved.  Dawn was in the other room supposedly doing homework, but with all the hijinks she’d been getting up to lately, Buffy wasn’t sure of much when it came to Dawn and homework. Buffy’d been keeping her sister in a sort of holding pattern (“Just sit there and do your homework,” “Wait for me while I go get your new schedule.”) while she tried to figure out how to let Dawn know how high the stakes were without revealing the whole situation to her.

But her excuses wouldn’t hold Dawn much longer. She bit the bullet and walked into the dining room where Dawn had her books sprawled out on the table.  She looked semi-studious so Buffy sat down quietly at the seat across from Dawn, pushing a couple of books out of the way so she could fold her arms and rest them at the now empty spot on the table.  Buffy just kept quiet and waited, she’d talk when she was ready.

It’s really not such a big deal. Not like any of this actually matters.

“It’s a huge deal Dawn, and it totally matters!” Buffy couldn’t believe the words that came out of her sister’s mouth. How could she say that nothing mattered? But yelling wouldn’t help a thing. Buffy took a deep breath and calmed herself down as best she could. “Dawn, I know things are hard.  I know it’s scary and it feels hopeless. But that doesn’t mean what you do doesn’t matter. You’ve got this ‘to heck with it all’ attitude and I don’t like it. I really don’t like it. Do you expect to just be some sort of dropout? I’m not going to let that happen to you, Dawn!” Buffy could feel her blood beginning to boil and she was pretty certain her words were verging on a lecture. Once again she sucked in a chest full of air and waited for Dawn’s response, anything at this point would be better than the silence that had begun to linger between the two of them.